you looking for an effective way to improve your intimate
insecurity blanket is a semi-revolutionary yet simple tool , which
can do just that.
first, it’s important to establish the most common causes of bad
relationships, break-ups, and unsuccessful dating.
“I never date” + “I’m worthless” + “I’m
that have low self-esteem and lack monetary stability in their
lives are generally terrible at courting the opposite sex, and as
a result rarely date. When
they do, their relationships don’t progress positively:
Jealousy, fear (of commitment) and uncertainty make the
relationship sour faster than the sun's effect on un-refrigerated
“What he doesn’t know can’t hurt him”
marriages and long-term relationships, financial troubles, pride
and dishonesty are the proverbial nails in the coffin of
your $400 pair of designer boots may seem harmless at first, but
an accumulated VISA debt can and will lead your husband to wonder
what other things you are hiding from him.
“I’ll bet something’s going on between my girlfriend
and that guy that she works with…”
that your girlfriend is being unfaithful is the least effective
way of figuring out whether or not she actually is.
Entrapment may be more effective, but is illegal in most
countries. The point
is, feeling and acting jealous will only brew resentment towards
her, and eventually lead to fighting and resentment on both sides.
what do these unattractive characteristics have in common?
What is the common denominator shared by these
one word: INSECURITY.
of self-confidence (“I can’t discuss politics with these
people because I’m not smart enough”), low self-esteem (“I
don’t deserve this girl - she’s way too pretty for me”),
financial instability (“I can’t afford this jacket, but I’ll
buy it anyway”) and uncertainty about the future all stem from
you’ve taken an introductory psychology course, you’ve
probably heard of world-renowned psychologist Abraham Maslow
(1908-1970) and his Hierarchy of Needs.
In it he ranks the needs of a human being, from lowest to
(air, food, water)
Safety (for children, their parents give them a feeling of safety)
and Belonging (this is why we give affection, because we innately
seek affection in return)
(when the first 3 needs are met, we can begin to seek a way to
gain self-respect, and respect from others, and eventually a sense
Self-actualization (knowing yourself, and feeling the need to do
what you’re “Born to do” – an artist will paint, a writer
will write, et cetera)
need for safety is a basic one, and according to Maslow (and to
most psychologists) must be fulfilled before moving up the ladder
of needs. But we live
in an urban jungle, not an actual
jungle, so it’s largely psychological.
Safety doesn’t mean shelter from a predator; it has to do
with securing stability and consistency in a chaotic world.
We need the security (which a home and family provides).
believed that this need was so powerful that it often drove people
toward organized religion. Religion and a strong faith in higher
power give us a sense of security with the promise of a blissful
in God gives one a feeling of certainty and security.
a person lacks certainty and security, they will become insecure.
And when an insecure person decides to tackle the constant
battle of being in a relationship with another person, they will
point their finger and blame the other person (when everyone knows
that blaming is never an effective method of problem-solving),
they will act jealous and they may become deceptive in order to
attain the information that they suspect if being hidden from
them. They behave in
this apparently idiotic manner in order to gain stability.
Kind of ironic, isn’t it?
But stability is an intrinsic necessity, and an important
all behaved that way at one point in our lives, because we ALL
have insecurities. The
world is filled with uncertainty, and unpredictability is what
makes life so interesting! What’s
not-so-exciting is the fear that you will not have enough money to
support your family. So
you budget scrupulously, you work overtime.
You don’t sit around acting vulnerable and helpless, and
taking out your problems on other people (least of all, your
relationships, insecurities create an unstable environment.
If the soil isn’t rich with esteem, the relationship will
not blossom into a beautiful flower.
Get it? Plus,
nobody’s attracted to a wimp. Can
you imagine two insecure people in a relationship?
You probably can. You
know that couple that fights all the time in front of all of their
friends, and never seem to resolve their disputes?
That’s them. If
they’re both a little overweight or have serious emotional
issues, then they’re even more likely to be insecure.
Simple math tells me that the chances of their relationship
lasting are slim to none, and slim just left the building.
here’s my (proven effective!) solution to this pesky little
called The Insecurity Blanket.
than acting like an emotional basket case when a problem arises,
it’s better to share your insecurities before they become an
active problem. Put
aside your pride (The deadliest of the 7 Deadly Sins…
and commonly known as “The root of evil”) for about 20
minutes, and talk frankly about what fears lurk in your
subconscious. You can
admit to your girlfriend that you get jealous when you see her
strutting around in a mini-skirt and guys flock to her as though
she were a walking beer tap.
Trust me, she gets jealous too.
Every time a girl giggles at one of your jokes and touches
your arm affectionately, she feels the urge to grab that girl by
her ponytail and fling her violently into the wall.
listening = better communication = better understanding, which
paves the way for more intimacy (READ:
can’t just blurt out something like:
“I hate it when you act slutty!”
Heed caution with the words you choose, and most
importantly is the location which you choose to divulge these
decide on a time and place each week or month for both of you to
lie down beside each other and share each other's concerns, fears,
and personal insecurities. You
can do this in bed, laying under the covers together, hence the
title of the exercise – the Insecurity Blanket.
"security blanket" is a colloquial term used to describe
something that someone uses to dispel anxiety.
The “IN-security blanket” is a metaphor for an intimate
place where two people can share their personal insecurities
without fear of being judged or ridiculed.
In other words: Location,
Estroff Marano of Psychology Today Magazine says: "Sex
is good. Pillow talk
is better. Sex is
easy; intimacy is difficult.
It requires honesty, openness and self-disclosure,
confiding concerns, fears, sadness as well as hopes and
is why if you and your partner seek shelter underneath the
"insecurity blanket" at least once a month, your
personal insecurities will not compound into resentment towards
your partner or your relationship, and make for a blissful, happy
life together. Isn’t
that why you’re in a relationship in the first place?