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Forget Flowers: Give her what she really wants

Why are guys always asking: “What do women want?” Isn't it obvious? Whether married or single this applies to every man: What women say they want is not really what they want, because what they want is for a man to give them what they want without having to tell them. I know it is a long sentence with a lot of “wants” but if you think about it for a moment it should make sense. In other words, asking them what they want is pointless. Think about it, young single women often say they want a nice guy who buys them flowers and treats them like a lady, yet they are dating some jerk, who treats them like the dirt under a farmer's fingernails. The bad news is, that women are usually more initially attracted to jerks, but the good news is they ultimately want a good man (not just a nice guy). This entails being stern, strong, sometimes nice, often surprising, stable and acting like a manly man who has his shit together, and not being an asshole nor a wimpy pushover. Being a real man is easier than trying conform to the modern social expectations of gender roles and succumbing to the powers of unisexification.

Enough of this rambling, let’s explore some practical things that a guy can do to win over the girl of his dreams or to make his woman a happy one. The following article, Forget flowers,  is written by a woman and it will give us foolish males a sneak peak into the little hearts of women and what they really want. I know I said asking them is pointless, but I asked her to write it using a logical, systematic and common sense approach, since that is the language of men (women speak in feeling and desire codes that a deciphering machine couldn’t figure).

Forget Flowers: Give Her What She Really Wants

Believe me when I say that there are a lot of things a girl would rather receive from a guy than a dozen roses.  While flowers themselves may be colourful and fragrant it isn’t the flowers themselves that make her smile, but the gesture.  It’s proof that he thought about her that day.  It’s an excuse to brag about him to her friends. It isn’t the bouquet that matters; it’s the time it took him to choose, buy and deliver them (or, the time it took him to call FTD). 

Knowing this, an intelligent man ought to substitute the typical wildflower arrangement with a far more creative (and significantly less expensive) act of affection. 

I know what you’re thinking:  “Easier said than done.”  But that’s what makes flower giving so stale, that it’s easy, and foolproof.  Showing up at her door with a bunch of daisies can’t hurt, but a badly written poem can. 

So I’ll help you out. I’ll tell you want to do – and more importantly, what not to do – to keep her happy (because if she’s happy, you’re happy!).  

1.  Don’t attempt poetry unless you’re great at it.  How do you know if you’re great at it?  Well, if you have to ask yourself this question, then you’re not.  Most amateur poets are great at rhyming, and are capable of coming up with a clever little sonnet (12 lines) in just a few minutes.  If you find yourself staring at a blank sheet of paper for too long, put the pen away. 

2.  Show up at her door unexpectedly, and tell her that you can’t stay long.  And mean it.  She’ll be genuinely surprised when she opens the door and sees your adorable face and she’ll be flattered that you took time out of your busy schedule to visit her.  If she’s not home, even better!  Tape a simple note to her front door and she’ll cherish it for years to come. 

3.  On that note…  Write her a note!  Anything, absolutely anything goes.  Whether it’s a request (“Sushi tonight?”) that you tape to her computer screen or a comment (“You’re hot”) she’ll be blown away by the sheer cuteness of it all.

4.  When she looks particularly striking (whether she’s on the beach or in her pajamas), tell her so.  Don’t be afraid to pay her a genuine compliment.  Nothing sounds better to a girl than “You look beautiful tonight.”  Well, other than “You’re the most beautiful girl in the room.”  Restrict the use of this word to special occasions only, because it will otherwise lose its luster very quickly.

5.  Take her to the zoo.  Take her to see a kid’s movie.  Take her to Toys ‘R’ Us and tell her that she can have anything she wants under $20.  (All of these options are cheaper than flowers and way more memorable.)  Anything that’s associated with children is light-hearted and fun.  And anything that’s light-hearted and fun will turn a mediocre date into a marvelous one.

It isn’t hard to make a woman happy, contrary to popular belief.  Even the so-called high-maintenance ones are relatively easy to please.  All it takes is time.  That’s what she really wants from you – your time.  If she doesn’t like the birthday gift you gave her, it’s probably because you didn’t invest enough time in figuring out what she wanted (all it takes is a few phone calls to her best friends!).  What’s her most common complaint?  “We don’t spend enough time together.”  Of course she pretends to understand that you have a life outside of her, but deep down she really doesn’t understand.  And she never will.

So take my advice and make your moments memorable.  Good relationships require work, and you’ll need to stimulate each other in new ways (in and out of the bedroom) in order to keep it exciting and fun.  It’s simple:  If you stop trying to please her, she will stop being pleased.  Forget the flowers – they’ll die in a few days, anyway – and invest your time and money into something that has staying power, like a pair of coffees and a summertime sunset.

This is written from the perspective of someone in a relationship, but it also applies to those in the courtship period. Being a nice guy is not the answer to winning over the girl of your dreams, making your woman happy or getting some. Forget flowers or expensive diners, this will only lead to you being broken financially and hearted. Sure women like material things, but they only like those things when they lack a real man in their lives. Stick with being decisive and taking her to your domain, a realm where you are comfortable and where you have talents. Bring her into your reality; don’t try to step into hers (you’ll look like a fish out of water). If she doesn’t like it.. too bad!  She’ll either learn to like it or you’ll simply move on. Ultimately a woman wants to know you are thinking about them, that you want them in your world, but you certainly don’t need them and you certainly will have fun with or without them. Neediness is one of the most repulsive characteristics a man could ever have. Now be off, go play a sport or build something and be a man. Since I am an award winning poet, I'll go write some love poems.

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